December 2011
2 posts
The weekend.
I really enjoyed this weekend with Joey, cuddled loads and just had fun. We never even have to do much to have fun, he’s just fun to be around. I hate Monday’s but I think this week will go quite fast so it’s ok :)
Can’t wait to have all my work done and it to be my Christmas hols :) this year is gonna be beautiful just knowing I can wake up next to him on Christmas...
15 days
In 15 days me and Joseph get to hear our tiny babies heart beat and we will see him/her for the very first time. I am so excited yet scared! It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of to have such a beautiful boy, a career in the making and a baby on the way.
I hope everything is okay though!
November 2011
6 posts
New start
I need to stop making up things in my head and trust the one person I love more than anyone. I do trust him but I love him so much that I’m scared of what could happen. In my eyes he’s the most perfect thing and that makes me feel like other people will try get him :(
I’m silly because I know he loves me more than anything. I’m definitely going to start being nicer to him,...
I feel sad.
Very very sad.
Yesterday was an awful and scary day and today I just feel sad thinking about the past and I can’t get out of bed to do my work and to top it off my dad might have lost his job :(
I love my boyfriend so so much.
I feel sad.
1 tag
Long for the day when I can eat again.
So hungry and feel ill and weak from being hungry.
I hate feeling sick almost constantly.
Also wish I lived with my mum or any woman who can relate to how I feel…
Men “just eat until you’re about to be sick”
Yeah I feel sick already and don’t fancy having rib ache from being sick so much. Grrr. It’s not as easy as you think.
All I want is lettuce in...
Haven't posted in ages.
Wasn’t quite sure how to put my feelings into words. I’m 8 weeks pregnant. I’m very happy about this and so is my boyfriend, we definitely feel ready to have our first child, I am scared though! It’s gonna be a crazy journey and there will be good times and bad but I’m really excited.
Just need to get my head down and complete my 3rd year of university then have a...
October 2011
4 posts
Sadness
Just looked on twitter to see one of my friends, from birmingham, mum has died. She’s been ill for a while but i thought she was getting better. I didn’t know her or anything but I feel so so sad for my friend. I don’t know how I’d cope if I lost my mum. It’s also making me sad that one day I might go through the same thing. I really am quite speechless. I hope she...
1 tag
I love my days off...
When it’s cold and rainy and I can stay in my warm snuggly pjs and drink tea all day until my boy gets home to play guitar or zombies.
Aww, I love him :) he’s such a cutie.
1 tag
Oh hurricane, what you gonna do to us this time?
It’s crazy windy outside, I cannot sleep for the noise…however… I do have the most beautiful boy in the world next to me snoozing away. I love my boy.
I can't
Comprehend how much I adore my boy. Been really good with this freezing weather just being able to snuggle up with him. I really hate winter but at the same time I love the dark nights, lights, bonfire night and Halloween etc.. I love all autumn and wintery things on the night time but through the day I just feel shit. Something about him makes me feel like this year is going to be okay. Today we...
September 2011
9 posts
1 tag
I really
don’t feel like myself. Hard to describe, can’t even figure it out myself. This is very weird.
:(
4 tags
Hate the way I feel today
My eyes are sore. Got back in to bed because, though it’s probably not true, I feel like there’s no point being awake.
‘so lonely, so so lonely’ and ‘so lost in this mess of a woman’ seem relevant today.
Sarah Kane - ‘Crave’
1 tag
Realised
I always seem fucked up and depressed from this blog… That’s only because I mainly use it as my outlet when I am sad. If you followed my normal blog you’d see I’m not so gloomy. Shame I have to keep this one a secret and separate.
1 tag
Sometimes
I wonder if I went back in time to like late high school, sixth form and 1st year and didn’t have a long term boyfriend and was just pure slutty, I wonder if it would make me feel better about other people’s pasts… Maybe then they wouldn’t seem so bad/matter so much.
Crying.
Angry
Because pottermore won’t let me sign in and I want to be sorted!
But happy that I have Joseph, get sad that other people have been with him and stuff but got to remember that’s the past and I won in the end. ;)
Hate feeling like I'm not good enough or that my...
1 tag
Hate the idea of love in society today, it just seems that love can never last a lifetime.
I didn’t think it was very likely to either before, I’ve fallen out of love before and it’s one of the worst things that can happen to someone’s soul. It hurts so much. I never want that to happen again, I didn’t doubt it would happen with Matt but I feel like I will love J...
1 tag
Infrequent.
I haven’t really been posting much on here lately which I guess in a way is a good thing because I feel as though I’m starting to actually talk to people in person about things. Me and my boyfriend had a little argument the other night but it kind of got serious, only in the sense that we finally said some stuff that kind of needed saying. I got upset but it seems to have helped us out...
August 2011
10 posts
Can’t let this slip away
It has been a while.
Got back from my holiday yesterday. It wasn’t the best of places, very hilly and not all that much to do compared to other places. However it was very hot and anywhere with Joe is beautiful.
Loved being able to go in the sea with him, I’m scared so bad of the sea but somehow he made me feel safe and we went all the way to the buoys. We did have a few arguments but in the end we always...
The day after tomorrow...
So on Monday at 7am I’ll be on an airplane on the way to peurto rico. I’m hoping to get a bit more money and sort out for someone to pay my phone bill whilst I’m gone! Aha. Me and Joe have booked a hotel so we aren’t all cramped at my aunties. Hope she isn’t too much of a bitch to me, she is being a bit irrational to be honest.
I’m so stoked at the fact that I...
This holiday is gonna be shit.
Scary.
Today has been an ordeal.
Had some serious abdominal pain and due to the fact I have come off the pill and kind of am trying for a baby… We got a bit worried it could have been an ectopic pregnancy. Luckily it’s not that however I’m not pregnant at all, it makes me feel sad but it will happen when it is meant to. Really was scared, I never want anything bad to happen to my...
Miss Joey.
I crave White on White and black but my thoughts race in glorious technicolour, prodding me awake, whipping away the warm blanket of invisibility every time it swears to smother my mind in nothing.
My world revolves around me.
Sometimes I just wanna sing, you make me feel like I’m wasting your time.
Sometimes I just wanna be allowed to feel sad, you make me feel like I’m being a bitch to you.
Self fulfilling prophecy right here, maybe I will be a bitch.
Yeah I was trying to show something nice that I felt had complete relevance to you, but it seemed an effort for you to read it.
If you posted something...
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is...
1 tag
YAY
So glad Joe is home now :) gonna sit and eat chocolate and watch films and play xbox.
Need to do my placement report this week but not so bothered now because a massive weight has been lifted with the whole holiday money situation :D only thing to worry about now is phone bill.
ANYWAY, back to joooooooooooeeeeee……. he is the best person in the world. I hate our argument the other day...
July 2011
11 posts
Sad.
I feel quite sad right now, like I dno just crap :(
I miss Joe :(
Past endeavours.
Had a good two days with Joey on his days off. Nothing new there :).
Got a bit silly last night though and started thinking about dumb stuff from the past. I really do wish none of it had happened for/to/with either of us but it did and maybe that’s why we are here now? I don’t know, but sometimes I just want to erase my memory because it’s too painful. It actually kills me to...
Unity.
So this weekend has been pretty amazing. Got to spend a unity day with Joe, although it wasn’t the best unity day in terms of the things there, it was the best yet because of him.
Also was nice seeing friends :).
Yesterday was also amazing, relaxing in the sun. Looking at the clouds, me Joey and our puppy :)
Love them so much. Xxx
Bathtime
I absolutely love baths. I think I get too many but I can’t help it. Last night was lovely, a nice bath with Joey and a lush dragon’s egg bath bomb. Id love love to work there!
Anyway thought i’d tumblr because I haven’t in a bit. I’ve printed loads of guitar stuff out because I really wanna crack on with learning and get good :).
Off on holiday in like 17 days,...
:)
Joe has now lived with me for a few weeks, it’s been perfect really. I mean of course we have had a few disagreements but it’s healthy and normal for that. Its nice to know I’ll see him everyday without fail :). We get to do so many nice things together. It’s been nice this evening just playing xbox and laughing with each other. I feel like love is an under statement! Xx
Hate when Joe is on lates
Feels like I don’t get to see him :(
When I look at the stars, I see something else.
Only ever looked at the stars alone except when with my grandad though a telescope years ago.
It’s something quite beautiful and I’ve never felt like sharing it with anyone.
Weird? Maybe.
I don’t know why I torture myself like this, I’m laid in bed with silent tears. I can’t bare the thoughts. I really can’t.
I really just wish I could delete memories and...
Soaking in the bath :)
Just having a nice bath before bed. Up at 7 tomorrow :(.
I got a skin diver near my eye today so it’s mega hard to wash my face :/ oh well.
I really wish that in house didn’t just spring things on me, Joe is working this weekend which means he had today off and tomorrow. They didn’t contact me all week and ignored my emails but picked his day off to make me work. So annoying,...
:(
Makes me sad when we fight. I know it’s natural but I never want us to get mad at each other. I don’t want living with you to ever out a strain on what we have. I don’t think it will though. I love you with every inch of my heart and soul. Always.
I never want to lose you, I can't. I'd die.
June 2011
26 posts
Another month pretty much over.
It’s been weird since february how time seems to have flown by yet it still seems like forever ago.
So Joe Is actually moving in to my house on Saturday, I know a lot of people are going to be like “isn’t that a bit soon?” Which is why I havent really broadcasted it… It really gets on my nerves how people feel the need to put time limits on everything. What happened...
Wish
People would bloody email back.
Hope I get this job.
Wish Joe wasn’t working late :(
It's crazy
But
I miss my boy so so much.
Yesterday.
Well yesterday was a busy one, up at 9 and in bed by 11ish.
Felt good to get up and have more of a day so I have done it again today :).
Had to rush to town to get some new extensions and stuff for Joe, get back, sew them and get back to town for 2.
I was so scared to meet Joe’s mum an sister, but I knew as soon as I saw her and she gave a proper big smile that it was going to be fine....
Apprehensive.
So tomorrow, well today, is kind of a big deal. For a few reasons I haven’t actually met Joe’s family yet and I’m finally meeting his mum. Think we are off for a drink in town tomorrow afternoon. I’m so nervous, I really don’t know why but I’m so scared because I’m shy in such situation and it really matters to me what she thinks. I don’t want to be...
I love Joe x
:(
Quantasize.
Only just woke up, was so tired from having to be at trinity for filming at half 8. Doesn’t seem that early but when you haven’t got up early for months IT’S WELL HARD! haha.
Soldiered through the day though, as I had things to look forward to! Finished before 3pm anyway thank god :)
I knew I was getting to go pick Joe up and go to York, so that was exciting enough to keep me...